A Pear Problem
by Rude and not Ginger
Summary: In wich the Doctor is disgusted to find a pear contaminating his bananas. A rather odd fic. Ten/Jack


A Pear Problem

"It's a pear." The Doctor said in distaste. What was a pear doing in his fruit bowl? It was contaminating his bananas. Must be Jack's or Martha's…possibly the Master's. That would be just like him, he fails to take over the world, and so in spite he leaves the Doctor a pear. He _hates_ pears. There disgusting. Just looking at them puts him off. And so now he was in a dilemma. He had to get rid of it, but he didn't want to go near it. Cautiously, the Doctor bent down, and prodded the fruit with his sonic screwdriver, as though expecting it to attack him. The pear was just rolled over. Taking his sonic screwdriver away, he wiped it on his jacket sleeve, and stood back to his full height. Someone else would have to dispose of it. He had a feeling that the Master left it here, but he could hardly pop by the Master's house and ask him to get rid of it, mainly due to the fact that said Time Lord is suffering from a slight case of being electroencephalographically challenged, or, in other words, dead.

His first though was Martha, but she would most likely be busy looking after her family. 'Jack it is then.' The Doctor thought to himself with a shrug. Giving the pear one last glance, he headed for the consol room, and put in the coordinates.

After a few bangs to the head, hitting the TARDIS with a hammer and landing rather painfully on his butt, the Doctor arrived in Cardiff. Patting down his jacket and getting his coat on, the Doctor headed out into the city. Night time. He looked around, and, as luck would have it, he just spotted Jack and some other man zoom by in a car. They were heading for a large multi storey car park. Not missing a beat the Doctor seat off at a run, following the cars direction. By the time he'd made it to the seventh floor, the Doctor was considering just stopping, wait for Jack and whoever was with him to come back down, just throw himself in front of the car to make them stop (and hope that they did in time), but the image of the pear, sat alongside his poor precious bananas made him carry on.

The very top level! He'd made it! Fresh air! With a relieved sigh the Doctor looked around, and quickly spotted Jack and his band of merry men heading for a black jeep, apart from the one the Doctor recognised from the car, which he was heading to.

"Jack!" He called out, running over just as the captain was about to get into the driver's seat.

Jack paused, then turned around, surprised to see the Time Lord, here of all places. "Doctor. Not that it isn't good to see you again so soon, but what are you doing here?"

Now stood in front of the immortal human, Jack could see that the alien was rather distressed. "It's awful Jack! It's not right! It shouldn't even be there, I think the Master did it!"

"Wow wow, slow down." Jack said, raising his hands. "Time out. Now, what's happening, what's the Master done?"

"It's, it's…" Whatever it is, Jack would have to wait to find out, the Doctor seemed incapable of speaking about it. Could it really be that bad?

"Come on then, just show me." Jack turned back to his startled team. "You guys head back to the hub, everything should have gone back to normal now John's left…on second thought, go home, have a good night."

Eyeing the Doctor rather suspiciously, the team did as Jack said.

After they'd left, the Doctor wasted no time in dashing back down the way he'd come. Jack running after him, only just keeping up with his fast pace. "So what is it? A fall back plan encase his first didn't work? Something which will destroy humanity? Come on Doc, fill me in."

"It's inside the TARDIS. You see when we get there." The Doctor called back.

Reaching the TARDIS, the Doctor slowed down. Jack followed his example after coming level with him. The Doctor motioned for him to go in. Jack did, and the Time Lord followed close behind. "Where is it?"

The Doctor motioned with his hand for Jack to head further into the ship. A few minutes later they came to a stop by a door. Jack glanced at the Doctor, who nodded for him to go in, and even gave him a little push to empathise his point. Taking a deep breath, and wondering what awaited on the other side, Jack pushed open the door and stepped into- "The kitchen? What are we doing here?"

"It's over there." The Doctor said, stepping into the room and pointing at the counter.

"What? I don't see anything?"

Once again, the Doctor gave him a push forwards; and stayed behind him as Jack walked over to the fruit. "I don't get it. What am I supposed to be seeing?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes, and pointed at into the fruit bowl. "_There_ Jack!"

A few seconds of silents went by. "…It's a pear."

"Exactly." The Doctor nodded. "Now get rid of it, quick!"

"But…it's a pear. Just a pear."

"Yes, well done, you can name it. Now get it out of here!"

"The Master left you a pear?"

The Doctor groaned in frustration. Why did Jack have to pick _now_ to have a dumb stupid ape moment?

"Why would he leave you a pear? What, is it really a bomb or something?" Jack just seemed unable to get it threw his thick skull that there was a pear in with the Doctor's bananas.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Don't be silly Jack. Why would he leave me a bomb?"

"Why would he leave you a pear?" Jack replied with a slow blink at the offending fruit.

"Because he knows how much I hate them." The Doctor replied darkly.

"Why would you hate pears?" Jack turned from the fruit bowl to look at the Doctor. "And why didn't _you_ get rid of it?"

"Just look at it, its disgusting! I'd rather kiss a Slitheen than touch that thing! And as for the taste, well, that's just a whole different level. In the entire universe, there is nothing more disgusting than a pear."

A small smile sneaked up onto Jack's face. "A Slitheen huh?" He stepped right into the Doctor's personal space, and his hands went to play with the edge of the Doctor's coat. "So, if I were to get rid of it for you, what do I get in return?"

The suggestive look on the captain's face, and the almost purr in his voice left no doubt in the Doctor's mind of just what type of reward he wanted.

The Doctor glanced between the pear and Jack, weighing his options. After a few seconds he nodded. The pear just had to go, whatever way it took.

Wasting no time Jack immediately went to kiss the Doctor, working his lips against the aliens. Wrapping one arm around the Doctor's waist Jack pulled him closer, while his free hand cupped the Doctor's cheek. He went to deepen the kiss but the Time Lord dodged away, and shook his finger at Jack. "Nope, you have to get rid of it first!"

Jack frowned, but then turned, picked the pear up and headed out of the kitchen (the Doctor scampering out of his way). In the consol room, Jack pushed open the doors, but stayed inside, just encase the Doctor tried to leave without him, and threw the pear out into the cold night air. Shutting the doors behind him, Jack went to find his Time Lord, thinking he'd need to stock up on pears.


End file.
